“This is who I am and what I've come for"

There is a box. It's deep in the jungle of my soul.
It’s hidden, misplaced, lost perhaps, but that feels too strong a word.
There is no map, no description of this box – just vague assumptions as to what it looks like.

But the word is, once it’s found, it’s unmistakable you have it. You know you have the box.

What’s in the box? It’s my voice. Not my talking voice, but that inner voice. The cliche thing you also call your truth, and your confidence to express it. That voice.

So, it’s in a box, somewhere inside you? If it’s inside me, it means I already have it. Well, yes, you already have it, but you have to find it. You have to open it.

And so I set on a journey. A journey to locate this elusive box – and open it.

I meditated, I sat with shamans and healers, and tried to find it within myself. I learned new skills, made new acquaintances and tried new activities, hoping this idea of “newness” could coax the box out. I fasted and cleansed – hoping I could make myself clear enough to see this box. I took myself out of my comfort zone, because they say that’s where the magic happens. And it felt like I needed magic to find this box.

To this day, I still haven’t found this box. But I know it’s there, and I’m inspired every day to continue looking for it. Each day I stand before my jungle and I say: “I am Jocelyn and I’ve come for my box.”